Ho Ho Hm
by Bored Katsu
Summary: Tobi loves Christmas! the Akatsuki...don't. Tobi tries to spread the magic to Deidara, will he ever succeed? No pairings, I realize that it is pretty unseasonal...but Christmas is for life not just for Christmas! 0 0?


Yeah, I know t'aint Christmas anymore, but what the hell. This was originally a one part thing, but is now in two. the idea formed on Christmas Eve when my sister repeatadly asked me whether or not I really _believe._ Like it or hate it, please read to the end and review =)

* * *

'Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the house

Not a creature was stirring, not even a mou-

"...Senpai."

Not even a m-

"Senpai!"

NOT EVEN A-

"Senpaaai! Wake up!"

Deidara groaned and rolled over, trying valiantly to ignore the annoyance who persisted in bouncing on the end of his bed. It proved futile. The little pest seemed bent on rousing him from his sleep at some ungodly hour. Eventually, he sat up silently, and glanced at the digital readout.

2.12AM

Keeping his tone pleasant and even, Deidara enunciated slowly to the orange menace.

"Tobi. Unless there is a very, very good reason for this, I am going to kill you now. Okay, hm?"

"Hahahaha! Senpai is sooo funny!" chirruped Tobi.

"…_I'm_ _not kidding_…"

Unfortunately, as he reached for the bag of clay he kept under the pillow for situations such as these, Tobi caught on and hurried up.

"Well, _duh _Tobi has a reason!" he gushed.

"Share it with the group, then, hmm..." he stressed the speech impediment with suppressed annoyance.

Suddenly, the half-wit looked surprised. This interested Deidara. He would have to learn how to do this more often, if it would stop the constant flow of chatter that plagued the very bane of his existence.

"B-but, Tobi thought it was obvious!"

For Tobi to use a word bigger than 'cookie' was astonishing in itself, but the taken aback tone of voice that went with it frankly disturbed him. He suddenly felt like he was being very, very dense for no apparent reason.

"...uh?"

If he didn't answer Deidara in his next sentence, he would die. Explosions would preferably be intimately involved.

"Well, senpai...it's...Christmas isn't it?"

"Wait, _what_?"

"IT'S CHRISTMAS!" Tobi once again rallied his perfection of the art of being loud and obnoxious at the worst of times. He was quickly silenced by a whack to the head.

"Look, look, just shut up will ya?" he hissed, "You mean you woke me up in the middle of the night, just to tell me it was some stupid festival we _don't even celebrate, hm_?"

"We...don't...?"

Deidara sighed.

"By any chance did you not notice the distinct lack of festive cheer around the place? The Akatsuki do not celebrate Christmas, okay? Now get the hell out of my room, go to yours and go back to sleep, hm. Now."

"B-but-"

"_Now!_"

As the shuffling descended into the distance, Deidara lay back again. Ah, peace, such a rare commodity nowadays. Why did that deformity come up with such random crap? Just to annoy him? Maybe he didn't pay Tobi enough attention...Well, he wasn't some kind of dog, was he?! At least now he could go back to sleep and forget that his partner existed for a couple of hours. He pulled the cover up and zoned out again. It barely seemed like a minute had passed before-

"Senpai...?"

Tobi was met with an angry growl vibrating from the bed. Suddenly, a hand shot out and grasped him by the throat.

"Now you die, hm!"

"Wah! Senpai! Don't eat Tobi!"

"Eat you?! I'm going to explode you into so many pieces you'll have to have a million matchbox sized coffins!"

"But Tobi has to know! And Pein-sama will be mad at Deidara-senpai if you explode Tobi!"

Probably true...His neck was released with extreme reluctance. Deidara took a deep breath, and exhaled.

"Right. Let's get this over with, hm. Why do you feel the need to do this to me? At 2:30AM..."

Tobi put his head to one side, as if considering what to say.

"Tobi...Tobi wants to know why no Christmas! Tobi likes Christmas, all of it!"

"God help me...look, spaz-san, _why_ would _we _celebrate it? One good reason!"

"Umm. 'Acos it celebrates the birth of Jesus-san?"

"Tobi, I hate to break this to you but we are all supposed to be Buddhist! Well, 'cept for Hidan...but he's _Hidan,_ hm_._ We don't want to waste our time glorifying some guy we don't even know is real, hm. And I don't really remember the last time I prayed to anyone..." he trailed off, but sped back up as Tobi seemed to be about to speak, "Well, look we just don't do that, 'kay?"

Tobi bowed his head and looked miserable. Just as Deidara noticed the welcome silence, he gave a loud 'Ooh!' of an idea and whispered loudly,

"Tobi knows why! Tobi thinks he will celebrate Christmas because if he doesn't, Santa will think Tobi is a bad boy and Tobi will not get any Christmas magic!"

Deidara blinked. And again. He stood up, walked to the end of the bed, and laid a hand on Tobi's shoulder with out of character gentleness.

"Tobi, how old are you, hm?"

"Uuhhhhhuhhhhhh...."

"Well, uh, more than 16, right? I assume..."

"Yup. Tobi is sure of that one."

"And nobody ever told you?"

"About what? Oh, if it's about Santa, then please tell Tobi! Tobi always wondered how he did it!"

"Well, it's_ kinda_ about Santa..."

Was he really going to destroy this child- MANs innocence?

…

Hell yeah, if it meant being able to go back to bed!

"Tobi, Santa _isn't real_."

"W-what?!"

"Santa does not exist."

He could practically _see _the picture of horrified shock under the mask.

"Nooo! Prove it!" countered Tobi childishly. Deidara's patience was wearing thin.

"Goddamn it Tobi! How can I prove it? Theres nothing to prove! He doesn't exist!"

"Nooo! Senpai is lying!"

During this brief exchange, Deidara had sidled over to the balcony doors and undid the latch. As the door opened, he called out, shivering slightly as the December night breeze wafted in,

"Omigosh! You know, I am obviously _totally wrong_! Look!," he pointed to the sky just above the railing, quickly pasting a fake smile on his face, "There's Santa now!"

"Wowee!"

As Tobi ran to stand by the rail, searching for the bearded UFO, Deidara moved with the speed that ninja were famous for and kicked him so he toppled over into the garden below. After a quick hiss of,

"Santa DOES NOT EXCIST, hm!" into the groaning bushes, Deidara slammed the the balcony door shut, bolted it, closed the other door and windows and, as an afterthought, dragged the heavy desk from the corner in front of the door that led to his room. Finally, after taping over all the windows, he could slip back between the sheets. After keeping a vigilant watch for twenty minutes or so, nothing seemed to be about to compromise his rest; so he slipped once more into sweet oblivion, silently cursing the day Tobi had been born.

* * *

Ooh! Will Tobi take that kind of attitude from a Santa-Hater? Will Deidara stop being such a humbug? Will Santa come to the rescue? well, add this to your watch list if you want to find out!

Oh, come on it isn't as bad as some of the stories on here, right? Even if it IS unseasonal... I wish it could be Christmas every daaay =) if you want something better, try my other fic, Rules for Tobi, were the Akatsuki lay down some house rules for their newest member. 100% crack, I assure you.

REVIEW OR TOBI GETS PUSHED IN THE BUSHES AGAIN!


End file.
